Dating is supposed to be fun, right? Dinner and a movie; bowling; a sporting event; miniature golf; concerts; what’s not fun about those activities? The basic idea is for you get to know someone and decide if you want to spend more time with that person, and if not, hopefully you had a good time and made a friend. If you didn’t have a good time and make a new friend, well then, I’m sorry for you. Now you know what you don’t like.
But when you’re dating, you constantly wonder where you stand. Now women, we usually dissect and discuss our most recent dates ad nauseum. We go over every look, touch, gesture, and voice inflection until the date has been pulled into pieces, and we get EVERYONE's opinions. The questions “Does he like me? Is he going to call me today? What did he mean when he said…?” are repeated over and over with no real satisfying answer. (Or until our girlfriends get sick of the subject and start saying “Just ASK HIM what that meant!”)
Men are pretty straightforward. If they like you, they call. To quote an upcoming movie: If he’s not calling you, not sleeping with you, not marrying you, then he’s JUST NOT INTO YOU. Men pretty much know what they want. And that is fantastic.
But what about those few and far between guys who don’t seem to know what they want? What about those guys who send mixed signals? What about those guys that seem genuinely interested but then sporadically call you? Why does the chase seem to be all that some men want? What is so fulfilling about the chase?? If you’re LDS, as I am, the CHASE doesn’t get you anything! Hello! The CATCH does! Remember how much more fun playing Tag was when you caught the person???
Don’t worry, men. I’m not just going to bag on you in this. It’s not like women are open books. I should know. I am one, so I know all of our tricks and have made good use of them. I know how to make full use of the sidelong glance, the slow smile…and what we REALLY mean when we say we’re “fine”. (“Fine” is NEVER good, for those men who haven’t been the recipient of one of those “what women really mean” e-mails. You don’t want to hear a woman say she’s “fine” because she’s not.)
See, we women are pretty wily. We’ll act like we’re innocent, all wide eyes and blushes, but we know what we’re doing. We know how to make you want us and if we don’t want you, then we know how to make you NOT want us. Ever seen “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”? There’s some truth to that movie. Women are confusing and yeah, sometimes we play games. But hey, men: SO DO YOU.
I’ve gotten some flak for not accepting every date offer I’ve gotten. Some people have said, if a guy has the balls to ask you out, he deserves a date. Maybe that’s true. But I figure, why should I waste some poor guy’s time and money when I know that I’m not going to want to go on that second date? And who wants to go on a pity date??
So I let guys down nice and easy, because I’ve been declined before myself and I have been the pity date. It sucks. But I don’t let the guy think that he has a chance when he doesn’t. So guys: don’t lead us on and make us think we have a shot when we don’t. That sucks, too.
Ahhhh, dating.
So you go out on the first date and you have a good time. Then when you do go out with someone on that second date, then third, fourth, and so on, it’s practically the equivalent of another Geneva Convention when determining if you’re “official” or not. Witnesses must be called, boundary lines drawn, and neutral territories established. Defining the Relationship talks can be unpleasant because that’s when one or both parties reveal just how COMMITTED they are. It’s pretty hard to find out that you are more into the other person than they are into you.
If you’ve gotten past the DTR stage and came out with a significant other, it’s not like you can rest on your laurels. Oh no. You have to worry about ANNIVERSARIES. Lucky for whomever I date, I am not one of those girls who celebrate how many weeks it’s been since we first held hands, kissed, or wore the same color shirts by accident and thus proving how perfect for each other we are. (To be honest, I can barely remember what days that kind of stuff happens, let alone remember to celebrate it!)
Don’t take my rant the wrong way. Dating can be a ton of fun. I am very into dating. I wish I did more of it. Wooo! Go dating! It’s nice having a significant other. It’s awesome having someone who wants to be seen in public with you, who will hold your hand while walking down the street, and who wants to make out with you more than once. (WOOO! Making out! Yeah!)
But being the Crazy Cat Lady is becoming more and more of an attractive, and let’s face it; inevitable, alternative to dating these days. With cats, you never have to worry about where you stand. It’s simple: they’re the boss. You’re the bringer of food, the lap provider, and ear scratcher. A DTR is not necessary. Really, any talking is not necessary with a cat. Cats actually prefer that you don’t talk to them. They already know they own you.
I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that regardless of what gender you are (or prefer), the Golden Rule should really apply to dating (as well as everything else.) If you don’t want to be jerked around, then don’t jerk other people around. If you want someone to treat you with respect, then you need to treat them with respect. If you don't want someone to play games with you, well maybe you need to re-evaluate and see if you're the one playing games. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Is the sprinkler hitting the grass? Do you see how this works?
Don’t say you’re playing Tag if all you’re doing is running.
Peace, love, and much chocolate to all.
But when you’re dating, you constantly wonder where you stand. Now women, we usually dissect and discuss our most recent dates ad nauseum. We go over every look, touch, gesture, and voice inflection until the date has been pulled into pieces, and we get EVERYONE's opinions. The questions “Does he like me? Is he going to call me today? What did he mean when he said…?” are repeated over and over with no real satisfying answer. (Or until our girlfriends get sick of the subject and start saying “Just ASK HIM what that meant!”)
Men are pretty straightforward. If they like you, they call. To quote an upcoming movie: If he’s not calling you, not sleeping with you, not marrying you, then he’s JUST NOT INTO YOU. Men pretty much know what they want. And that is fantastic.
But what about those few and far between guys who don’t seem to know what they want? What about those guys who send mixed signals? What about those guys that seem genuinely interested but then sporadically call you? Why does the chase seem to be all that some men want? What is so fulfilling about the chase?? If you’re LDS, as I am, the CHASE doesn’t get you anything! Hello! The CATCH does! Remember how much more fun playing Tag was when you caught the person???
Don’t worry, men. I’m not just going to bag on you in this. It’s not like women are open books. I should know. I am one, so I know all of our tricks and have made good use of them. I know how to make full use of the sidelong glance, the slow smile…and what we REALLY mean when we say we’re “fine”. (“Fine” is NEVER good, for those men who haven’t been the recipient of one of those “what women really mean” e-mails. You don’t want to hear a woman say she’s “fine” because she’s not.)
See, we women are pretty wily. We’ll act like we’re innocent, all wide eyes and blushes, but we know what we’re doing. We know how to make you want us and if we don’t want you, then we know how to make you NOT want us. Ever seen “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”? There’s some truth to that movie. Women are confusing and yeah, sometimes we play games. But hey, men: SO DO YOU.
I’ve gotten some flak for not accepting every date offer I’ve gotten. Some people have said, if a guy has the balls to ask you out, he deserves a date. Maybe that’s true. But I figure, why should I waste some poor guy’s time and money when I know that I’m not going to want to go on that second date? And who wants to go on a pity date??
So I let guys down nice and easy, because I’ve been declined before myself and I have been the pity date. It sucks. But I don’t let the guy think that he has a chance when he doesn’t. So guys: don’t lead us on and make us think we have a shot when we don’t. That sucks, too.
Ahhhh, dating.
So you go out on the first date and you have a good time. Then when you do go out with someone on that second date, then third, fourth, and so on, it’s practically the equivalent of another Geneva Convention when determining if you’re “official” or not. Witnesses must be called, boundary lines drawn, and neutral territories established. Defining the Relationship talks can be unpleasant because that’s when one or both parties reveal just how COMMITTED they are. It’s pretty hard to find out that you are more into the other person than they are into you.
If you’ve gotten past the DTR stage and came out with a significant other, it’s not like you can rest on your laurels. Oh no. You have to worry about ANNIVERSARIES. Lucky for whomever I date, I am not one of those girls who celebrate how many weeks it’s been since we first held hands, kissed, or wore the same color shirts by accident and thus proving how perfect for each other we are. (To be honest, I can barely remember what days that kind of stuff happens, let alone remember to celebrate it!)
Don’t take my rant the wrong way. Dating can be a ton of fun. I am very into dating. I wish I did more of it. Wooo! Go dating! It’s nice having a significant other. It’s awesome having someone who wants to be seen in public with you, who will hold your hand while walking down the street, and who wants to make out with you more than once. (WOOO! Making out! Yeah!)
But being the Crazy Cat Lady is becoming more and more of an attractive, and let’s face it; inevitable, alternative to dating these days. With cats, you never have to worry about where you stand. It’s simple: they’re the boss. You’re the bringer of food, the lap provider, and ear scratcher. A DTR is not necessary. Really, any talking is not necessary with a cat. Cats actually prefer that you don’t talk to them. They already know they own you.
I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that regardless of what gender you are (or prefer), the Golden Rule should really apply to dating (as well as everything else.) If you don’t want to be jerked around, then don’t jerk other people around. If you want someone to treat you with respect, then you need to treat them with respect. If you don't want someone to play games with you, well maybe you need to re-evaluate and see if you're the one playing games. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Is the sprinkler hitting the grass? Do you see how this works?
Don’t say you’re playing Tag if all you’re doing is running.
Peace, love, and much chocolate to all.
I guess I should start working on my slovenly appearance and talking in gibberish...
2 comments:
I'm still trying to figure out why people do the "pity date" thing. I suppose they are trying to be nice in some sort of twisted way. Like they think they'll be letting you down easier if they waste your time for a little bit. I say, "Don't give hope where hope has no place. Give me the straight dope and get it over with so I can spend my time someplace else." I think most of us have more important things to do than be insulted like that.
Hmmmm... *rolls dice*
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