There I go, thinking again...

Here are a few thoughts of mine while I’m writing my special expose’ about strippers. I know you’re all super-excited and can’t wait for that entry, but my dears, you’ll just have to be patient.

1. I was doing a search for a hot picture of Matt Bellamy (that’s redundant isn’t it?? I mean, come on, have you seen the man?! So pretty…) to put as my background on my work computer today and while typing in Matt’s name, there was a Google suggestion of “Matthew Bellamy’s girlfriend.” Me being the naturally curious person that I am – rather like a cat – I followed the suggestion and was somewhat surprised to find that the suggestion yielded truthful results.

Upon viewing said girlfriend of Hottie Rock Star, I had my “aha” moment. Because Chicky-babe is SUH-MOKIN’ hot. (I am comfortable with my sexuality to be able to appreciate another woman’s smoking hotness.) My surprise vanished and I was left temporarily heartbroken.

Why was I heartbroken, you may ask? Surely Melodye, you should know that the chances of meeting a celebrity are slim and the chances of dating said celebrity are even slimmer, you might say. I’m well aware of the practically non-existent odds, okay. I’m not NAÏVE. (Maybe I am, a little. But I think it could be endearing.)

It’s just…well, I don’t think I’m alone if I say that I have this fantasy of meeting one of the men on my List, him falling truly, madly, deeply in love with me and ditching his model girlfriend and running away to Paris with me. I think a lot of people have that fantasy about the people on their Lists.

And PS: why do ALL of the men on my list have model girlfriends? That must be proof of my extremely good taste in men. (Don’t look at me like that. You knew going into this that I have a big ego.)

Sigh. C’est la vie, right?

2. Who came up with the idea of making the response to an error message be “OK”? What if the error is not okay? It is not okay if Internet Explorer suffers a fatal error and has to shut down. It is not okay if my computer has to restart because of something that the software did. And it is NOT okay if Word stops responding and I lose my midterm paper after being up all night working on it. (And don’t give me that “you should save every 5 minutes” crap. That’s what auto-save is for. Bite me.)

I think a more appropriate response to an error message would be “Fine.” Why “fine” you ask?

Well, as I have mentioned before, if someone (especially a woman) says they are “fine”, that means that they are the exact opposite of “fine.” “Fine” really means “Bob, get the kids into the minivan because the world is about to come to an end.” Hearing someone say that they are fine should get your spider senses tingling and your self-preservation instinct should be set at “flee”.

If my extensive and ridiculous hyperboles have failed to drive the point home to you: “Fine” means DEFCON One. (Cue the scary music: dun dun DUN!)

That is why, my pretties, “Fine” would be a better error message response. This way, the computer knows that you’re pissed off; but you know that there’s nothing you can do because the computer’s going to do whatever the hell it wants to do regardless of your feelings.

I think that Microsoft and Apple should consider my idea. It would be an improvement. I'm waiting for their calls.

3. I feel like I should clear something up after that last point. Saying that someone is “fine” is perfectly okay. That is a compliment. Compliments are good. Should I use it in a sentence for you so you understand? Okay. I can do that.

“Melodye, you are FINE.” Or: “Melodye, you are a fine example of womanly beauty.”

Do you see the distinction? Good. Those are excellent examples of “fine” usage.

4. My ten-year high school reunion is coming up. I don’t feel like that can possibly true. I swear to you that I was just walking across that stage, getting my high school diploma, and screaming with my friends.

Am I going to my high school reunion?

Is the Pope Jewish? (HAH! You thought I was going to say “Catholic” didn’t you. Psyched you out, sucker.)

No WAY am I going to that. Why would I want to go back and see all the people that used to make fun of me? I got made fun of a LOT in high school.

But Melodye, that was ten years ago and you’ve changed – heck, they’ve changed! You could say that. You could be right. I should probably just get over it. Forgive and forget.

I’m not going.

5. I just saw a commercial for the DVD release of “Twilight.” Wal-Mart is making a big deal about having the movie available for sale at 12:01 am on March 21st. Now, okay. (Fine. Hehe)

I enjoyed the movie very much – I was there for the midnight premiere the day it opened in theaters. I was crazy exhausted at work the next day, but it was SO MUCH FUN. I went and saw the movie again, the night before Thanksgiving. (I did have some issues with the movie but that’s not the point of this.)

However.

I find the attempt to recreate the same hype and excitement for the DVD release as was created for the theatrical release to be lame and pathetic.

There. I’ve said it. I regret nothing!