Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I'm a Rock Legend!

I love hearing the crowd yelling and chanting. I love feeling the crowd’s energy, the anticipation of hearing their favorite songs played just for them. The lead singer has let me choose what we play. I look over our set list and choose our first song. The crowd gets louder as they realize the show is about to start. I pick up my guitar and get my fingers ready for a workout. The lead singer plays with the jazzed-up crowd, gets them worked into a frenzied excitement. My drummer taps out the beat of the song and I hit the first button.

Hello. My name is Melodye…and I’m addicted to Guitar Hero.
Man, that feels good to get off my chest. I play Guitar Hero every chance I can. When I listen to music, I see green, red, yellow, blue, and orange dots scattered across a fret board, running across the screen of my mind. I even, occasionally, okay OFTEN, find myself strumming on an invisible guitar controller.

I’m sick, I know.

I finally acquired my own Wii, so I don’t have to camp out at my friend’s house and invade her family, in order to satisfy my Guitar Hero craving. People have asked me if my newly purchased Wii was for my kids. Shamefully, I duck my head and mumble some affirmative-sounding yet incoherent answer and hastily change the subject. But I lie. I have no kids. The Wii was for mii.

I was shocked, but pleasantly so, when I discovered that I had almost all of the playlist for Guitar Hero III on my iPod. Of course, nothing would do but to immediately go to iTunes and purchase the few remaining songs I did not have, just so that my Guitar Hero III playlist would be complete. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that I have most of the playlists from Guitar Hero I and II on my iPod. I have not updated my iPod as of yet with the remaining songs, though, as I am not made of money, and music gets expensive on ye olde iTunes.

I would really love it if they would make the other versions of Guitar Hero for the Wii system. Guitar Hero I, II, and Guitar Hero Rocks the 80s. I want to acquire the Guitar Hero: Aerosmith game and guess how excited I am that they are developing a Guitar Hero: Metallica game? So excited! If the Beatles ever licensed their music for play on Guitar Hero, I would be out of control.

I need help.

I feel guilty when I play Guitar Hero, especially since I should be practicing my real guitar or possibly even studying. But it’s so COOL to play along to Metallica, Guns’N’Roses, Weezer, The Who, Cream, KISS, Alice Cooper, and Muse. I like to feel like a rock star, not to mention the warm and fuzzy feeling I get inside when I beat Slash at his own game. Hmmm, it might not be so much warm and fuzzy as much as I want to slam the controller on the floor in the manner of spiking a football, and yell “IN YOUR FACE” to Slash, then do my own version of an end zone victory dance.

Speaking of Slash, am I alone in wanting to ask him what the hell he was doing in making that battle of his so damn difficult? Holy CRAP that thing is tricky. Slash doesn’t want to battle; he wants to punish me for thinking I’m big enough to run with the big dogs and trying to play HIS game. And so, when I battle Slash, it usually takes four or five times, maybe even six, and by then I’m huddled on the floor, broken and sobbing, screaming “Why, Slash, WHY do you hate me so much???” The computer people in the audience yelling “You suuuuuuuck!” and “Get off the stage!” don’t help matters and I don’t care how many times you tell me that it’s just a game, I’m convinced that Slash is laughing at me after he’s kicked me to the curb a few times. Then the game gets to the point where even it thinks the whole thing is pathetic, and wants to put me out of my misery by offering me the choice of wussing out or continuing with the carnage.

Of course, I know that Slash has no ill-will toward me. He doesn’t even know me. (I think. Wait…maybe? Nah, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know me.) I have no enmity towards Slash as well. It’s just that when I manage to beat him, victory is sweeter than honey pie. I’m not a gracious winner, I want to rub it in his face and see him cry. And if I ever meet Slash in person: I WILL rub it in his face that I can beat him at medium-level. However, since I cannot rub it in, I will settle for playing “Welcome to the Jungle” with Slash. (On medium.)

But I love Guitar Hero. I’m so addicted and I’m not going to lie: when I get home tonight, no matter how late it is, I’ll try to sneak in some Guitar Hero.

My name is Melodye, and I’m a medium-level Rock Legend. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Boo-yah.

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